Growing Through the Mud

How often do we spend our energy trying to change everyone around us while God is quietly asking to change us first?

In this week's conversation, Shannon and Deb share honestly about slowing down, finding rest, learning to respond instead of react, and discovering that changing the atmosphere around us begins with allowing God to transform our own hearts.

They talk about marriage, leadership, emotional exhaustion, brain fog, spiritual growth, and the difficult process of letting go of control. Along the way, they revisit the powerful image behind the Roots Before Fruit conference—learning to recognize the weeds that quietly wrap themselves around healthy roots before they choke out the fruit God is trying to grow.

This episode is a reminder that spiritual maturity isn't about fixing everyone else. It's about surrendering yourself to God and trusting Him to work in every heart—including your own.

Sometimes the greatest transformation begins when we simply let God be God.

 Encouragement 

Maybe you've been carrying the weight of trying to fix your marriage, your family, your workplace, or someone you love.

You've prayed.
You've worried.
You've corrected.
You've carried responsibilities that were never yours to carry.

Today, God may be gently asking you to release control.

Your job is not to change people.

Your job is to stay rooted.

When your roots remain planted in Christ, your peace isn't determined by other people's attitudes. Your joy isn't dependent on perfect circumstances. Your love isn't controlled by someone else's actions.

The weeds will come. Offenses will grow. Disappointments will happen. But healthy roots know where their source is.

Keep letting God remove what doesn't belong.

Keep choosing peace.

Keep speaking life.

Keep trusting His timing.

The same God who is growing you is also working in the lives of the people you're praying for—even when you can't see it.

Growth is happening beneath the surface long before anyone sees the fruit.

 Closing Prayer 

Father,

Thank You for loving us enough to keep growing us.

Forgive us for the times we've spent more energy trying to change others than allowing You to change us. Help us surrender our need to control every situation and teach us to trust Your timing and Your process.

Lord, search our hearts. Show us the weeds that have quietly taken root—fear, pride, frustration, bitterness, anxiety, or the desire to control. Pull them up before they steal the life You are growing within us.

Help us become women who carry peace into every room, who respond with grace instead of emotion, and who create an atmosphere where Your presence is welcomed.

Strengthen every listener who feels tired, overwhelmed, or stuck. Remind them that even when growth feels slow, You are faithfully working beneath the surface.

Plant us beside Your living water so that our roots grow deep, our faith remains steady, and our lives bear fruit that brings You glory.

We trust You with our homes, our families, our work, our ministry, and our future.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

Bible Verses

• Jeremiah 17:7–8 
• Galatians 6:9 
• John 15:4–5 
• Proverbs 4:23 
• Philippians 4:6–7 
• Romans 12:2

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Transcript

unknown 0:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Lord, we love you today. We just want to thank you for giving us the opportunity to be here. And we just ask that you just speak through us, God, and let your words uh illuminate us. In Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hey ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to Unrelated Sisters Truth and Grace Conversation. I'm Shannon. I'm Deb. And we're excited to have you today. Uh this is us. That's us. That's us. That's us. Um Shannon's extra. I'm so extra, always. Always. My son, when we uh when we put up an American flag, you know, we bought a pole, like a huge pole, like you find in a a uh at the Capitol. Yeah, well, yeah, or a business or anywhere, and put a flag on it. And he said, he's like, you're so extra. And I was like, I want people to know, like, I don't want some flag hanging from my porch. So flat high. Be proud. That's right. Flat high. We're you know, we're as country and southern as it comes and you know, God, family, and country. So that's just how it is here. It's how it is in our house and stuff. But we're excited to have y'all with us this week. Um, we really don't have anything to talk about this week, so we're just gonna come. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

We don't have like a specific topic.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Yeah, yeah. It's just been kind of a week. Like it's not been bad, it's not been great. It's just been a week. I went on, I was gone for a few days. I slept at the pool for a whole day. And you took a two-hour nap today, or not? Yeah, and I took a two-hour nap today before Bunny came over, you know. It's just been kind of one of those let's rest in ourselves kind of week for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

So well, I was sick a little bit this week, but I got better. Really, I only worked a day and a half all week, I had to think about that. I only worked a day and a half at my work all week. I bet they miss me. I bet they do. I'm gonna make up for it this week. But um, I don't know, this week, you know, last week I uh I was kind of having a week. Yeah. And I even told you that I felt like I've been kind of disconnected, and so I'm really trying to uh every every thing that I'm going through, every uh up and down as you can call it, I want there to be purpose out of it. Like I wanna I want I don't want to just well, I didn't go through that for nothing. You know, I want the Lord just like rebuild things in me. So I feel like these last two or three days since I got over my storage short, and everybody wasn't hating me, uh I don't know. The Lord has really just been speaking to me a lot, and maybe I've just been um being more attentive and slowed down a little bit because I had to. Because I had to. And so uh even like with me and Kevin, I've been trying to respond differently and like I get and I I I feel like the Lord works on me through this and then I'll backtrack a little bit, you know what I mean? And so like pointing out things, which I'm gonna point out the grass every time. So I'm I already know that. So anyway, because I spoke the whole florin today, and guess what? He comes in covered from head to toe and grass and just walks on in. But anyway, the Lord hadn't delivered me from that part yet. But uh I'm talking about like him being who I want him to be. Right. You know what I mean? Because sometimes I feel like I get in the way some of what God's trying to do. And so I'm just trying to like step back and let and quit praying for for things for him to change and to continue for for it to be me. Let it be me. Right. You know what I mean? Because I've been reading a lot of stuff on it, um things like that, and uh I read one passage where it's talking about um not a passage, but something um one of my little Bible plans about how um when we shift the focus to us, when we change, we bring that. We we change the atmosphere too when we change. Right. You know what I mean? So when I come in the door of work or vice versa, I feel like as women we carry the atmosphere sometimes, you know, that's in our home, in our family. And so if I want my home to be a a unity and peace, I have to even if I feel like everybody else is not carrying that. Right. As long as I'm carrying that, I feel like God can work with that instead of me trying to to fix that. Yes. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Yeah, well, you know, it and it says in the Bible that, you know, the men are supposed to covenant their wives and support and honor them and take care of them, and then you are here to, you know, take care of the household and all the things inside of the household. And I think that has a lot to do with your atmosphere. You know, it has a lot to do with because we we feel underappreciated as women, right? Uh me and my husband just had this discussion before y'all came. We just can't we just had this discussion because he's like, What time's Deborah coming? And I was like, so and so. And he goes, Well, we've got to pick up. And I said, The fairy's on vacation. Like the cleanup fairy is on vacation. You gotta pick up because I was coming. Well, it was his side. Oh my side's clean.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Oh, I don't care about it. I ain't looking at his side too.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Please don't pick up because we're gonna go. Yeah, yeah. But that's how he is, right? And I was like, hold on. Like, I just cleaned everything up last night before I went to bed. So fairy's on vacation. Yeah, the cleanup fairy's on vacation, and he's you know, and so then he picks up, yeah, and it was his little table. It's not it had a Coke can on it, and it had a plate from where he liked breaking.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

You didn't even care if it was messed up for real.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Well, it had it had, you know, he hadn't picked up his breakfast plates and things like that. So, and uh I hadn't got up to do it. I took a nap, you know, and he's like and then he's like, Okay, I'm going to Mo, so cook me some lunch. I was like, okay. And then I got to scrolling.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:06

And then I heard the lawnmower turn off. I was like, oh god, I was supposed to be cooking lunch. So I jump up. And sometimes it makes me feel like um and I know he's grateful, don't get me wrong. This is not a bash on him in any way. No way. Right. He's 100%. It was, yeah, yeah. I mean, all I had to do was get up and throw in the air fryer. It's not like I had to cook a meal, you know what I mean? Like it was some French fries and some chicken bites. Throw them in the you know, throw them in the air fryer, throw them on. I could have sat back down, pushed the button, yeah. You know, it's not like I was cooking a meal. Like I am, you know, later I'm cooking potato soup. I love that. He goes, it's not quite soup weather. I was like, I know, but Shannon thinks soup is good anytime. Oh, yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

We think soup's good anytime, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

But he was like, he come in, he goes, Is it about done? I was like, No, I just put it on. It's like, what are you doing? I was like, I don't know. Like I've been fuzzy brained. Like completely fuzzy brain. Like I have zero, like, I just feel fuzzy. My head feels fuzzy all the time lately. Yeah, brain fog. Brain fog. I have such a bad case of brain fog, and I feel so tired like this last week or so. Just tired. Like, I just need a break. But I don't know how you get a break. You have to get sick. You have to get sick.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

And then you'll have to work a day and a half.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Then you'll have to work a day and a half.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

They tell me Thursday, they're like, you look awful. Like, you need to go home. I'm like, everybody was telling me that, too. And I'm gonna just batter them like, man, I guess I do look pretty bad. They're like, you look awful. You ain't hoping I'm just gonna go on. They tell me to look I I said I was gonna leave at 12. I was like, I'm leaving at 11. They'll keep telling me I look bad. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Your body and your body will do that for you. It'll eventually it'll tell you, hey, enough's enough, slow down. Like you need a minute, you know. And we don't we don't listen to our bodies as women, we just keep going.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Yeah. But I've been trying to be more intentional, uh, going back to that. Um even thinking things that I really want to say and not, and I've been doing so good these last two days and like processing it.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Before you say it.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

You know what I mean? Is this really something true? Or is this you know what I mean? Or is this my crazy thinking? You know what I mean? So I really been and I feel like it's been helping a lot because I could it could have went south a lot a few times, but I I really control myself. These last couple days there's things I want to say and but I didn't. I'm growing. You're growing. As a couple, as a f as a woman? Yeah. For sure. Yeah, I am. But sometimes you feel like you I was my dad said yesterday, I got to work alongside him for a few hours yesterday. Uh you get like you're stuck in mud and not like you're doing stuff but you're not going nowhere. You know what I mean? I was like, yeah, that's a great example. Yeah. Like you're spinning your wheel, you're doing things, but not going nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

But sometimes it's because do you do you think it's because when he puts us in these lessons or he puts us in these in these seasons, he knows the minute he lets up that you're gonna revert back two steps. And as humans, we seem to do that a lot. Like they've been doing it at like at work. Like they've I was gone for four days, I come back and they had stepped back two days, like two, like we hadn't learned something. Yeah, you know, but we do it a lot as humans. I seem to do it, and I find myself in a saddened place every time I take two steps back. Like that's the one thing the enemy still can whisper in my ear, like, oh, you were doing so good.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Now you've taken two steps back. Yeah. You know. I think we have to learn to be okay with that and not yes, and not hard to get that's hard because we're so emotional. Females are emotional. And that's yeah, and that's one thing I'm trying to learn that uh I can't react off of somebody else's what they got going on. You know what I mean? I can't they're I can't let their um circumstances, what they have going on in their life affect how I act. Right. I still have to be the same person. You know what I mean? I can't like but it's hard to not venture off and uh want to get on their level.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

It's hard. It is definitely hard to especially when they constantly bring chaos to your world, to your bubble. It's it's definitely hard to not get on their level. And especially when it seems like it's aimed directly at you.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

And I know too that other people are growing too, you know what I mean? And so, you know, sometimes it's a it's a yeah, I can tear them weeds up, they'd be trying to tangle it, they come in, those little foxes that come in and steal the you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Come in and the little rabbits coming in to get your carrots. Yeah. I find that funny. Why? Because it's it's hard to to know the difference between the tangled weeds and the fruit that we bear. And and and sometimes that's hard. Like it's really, really hard to know the difference. You know, um, it's kind of like, you know, the story that the um conferences coming about came about was we were out weeding our yard and getting ready for the spring and getting everything ready. And like I had to, like, it was a few times I'd be like, is this a plant or is this a weed? Like I had to sit and think or and ask. Like I had to ask Jeremy a couple of times, like, because we had just let it get overgrown so much that it was hard to tell the difference between what we had planted last year and then what was grown. Because weeds don't always look like weeds.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

That'll that'll preach right there.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Weeds don't always look like looking the same, you better not, but their roots are different. Their roots are totally different, and they grab a hold, they grab a hold of the soil around them, and then they will wrap around the good roots. So, you know, and that not wanting to get too much into, but that's what the conference pretty much is based on is knowing the difference between your weeds and your fruit. Because it's hard, it's hard to tell the difference, especially when you're in that season leading up to what God has headed you in. And I think that's where we're at now. We you know, we talked about it last week. It was we know we're headed in the right direction because it seems like everything is trying to attacks.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah, and it and it's supposed to home attacks.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah, and it's the things it knows is it's gonna bother us the most, right? Like it's it's our family, it's our kids, it's our our household, um, the things that we care most about. And uh and we have to remind ourselves constantly that you know he's still staying in there, yeah, waiting on us.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Well, the same way in the physical, you're having to pull up weeds, you have to do that in spiritual too, things that are attacking you because if you don't uh deal with them and just let them all pile up, all the attack then it smothers you out. Yep, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

It starts wrapping it well and it starts wrapping around your good roots, and your good roots start to dye out things that you have built really you get contaminated, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Poison poison poison for real. It's true, and we're and then everybody starts being negative, and then there you are, everybody's complaining about what you know what I mean, yeah. And it's very uh draining. But I was thinking too, a lot of times when we're going through attacks and stuff, encouragement and we're fighting these battles, spiritual battles. I noticed like that's when I got into the authority thing, the reading of the authority, like, no, I'm not gonna let this overtake I'm not gonna let you come in and steal my I wouldn't let a broker come in and steal my stuff. Right. The same way you gotta take that for, you know, I no, God's give us authority over these things. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Yeah. And that and you know, and that's I feel like the enemy has been attacking my peace.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Oh, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Uh over the last three or four weeks. It's been uh definitely attacking my peace, and my peace is important to me because I worked really hard to get to my peace. But I feel like he's been attacking me um actually physically, not um not emotionally, but like head on in in the real world attacking me. Um, you know, we talked about the ex-employee. Well, now he's done more. Oh no. Yeah, over the last two weeks. And uh so now Walmart has gotten involved. Um they have lawyers. Um Wow. Yeah, so it's just it it just feels and I feel defeated with it, right? Like I feel defeated. Anytime you have a you have somebody slandering you, it's gonna make you feel that way. Right. And I feel I feel and I'm feel I feel defeated, and then not only on top of that, but I feel like if he does do something crazy that he's not gonna do it to me, he's gonna do it to one of my associates, or you know, I feel like these are my kids. And you know, and I've talked about maybe just looking for another store and moving on. And yeah, take authority over that. That's right. And uh well, and that's what my associates were like. They're like, no, you're not no, you know, we're not letting that happen, and blah blah blah. And and and I appreciate all that, but it's still hard. It's still hard to think that I can't protect them if I need to, you know. Um, but hopefully it's gonna work out.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

Second Timothy 1 7 said for God has a not given us a spirit of fear, but a power, love, and self-control or sound mind. It says authority is connected to God's power, not fear or intimidation. That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

It's not, it's not, and we're not gonna be intimidated.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Rise up and know who you are. Yeah, we are going to Well, I think there's a level of confidence that comes with that where you're like when you get out of that, when you get out of the mud and you're like, wait, you start cleaning yourself up.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Right. Yeah, it's kind of like quicksand sometimes, right? Because the more you wiggle in quicksand, the more you sink. But the more you sit still, the more you work your way out. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Yeah, guys have definitely been doing work on me this week. I feel like I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

That's good. It's good. You're uh your your spirit is different today than it was last week. Oh yeah, it was you were you were in a place last week. We read it.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

We have eviction signs out there you know. You you were in a place last week. So no, you that but really we had to put that for real, put eviction signs up and do the enemy, hey no, you can't no trespass, no trespassing sign. You can't you can't have my family, you can't have my peace. Yeah, I mean, and sometimes you have to ignore that, whatever that looks like for me, keeping my mouth shut and responding even though I've been right sometimes. And uh I have to realize that other you know we're all different and that we're all growing in different ways and it don't look the same. That's the big that's the main thing. It don't look the same, and I maybe I'm want it to look the same. Right. And um that's not how God wants it. That's that's not how intended it even. And so it's really hard for me to lose that control and let God do everybody's thing. Everybody's in their own chapter. Yeah, let him do his thing in me, you know what I mean? Because maybe I'm the one maybe I'm the one holding things back. Right.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

You know, it makes you wonder sometimes. And it's always those small it's always the small moments, I feel like, that wake us up, right? It's not those big fireworks, oh my god. You know, it's always that small moment of where you're sitting on the couch with your kid and he, you know, he snuggles up to you and you're just like right for that moment, or or or your spouse, or you know, mine surprised me, you know, with a vacation and um I was like, hmm, where do we do? You know, uh and he don't do that very often, but he takes good care of me. So that's how he She's very sport. I'm so spoiled. I don't deny that.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

And that's okay. I would have yeah, I should lose him.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

That's why God gave him to me. You know, and I and I truly believe that he God give him to me. And so it makes me grateful and thankful every day.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

So the Lord was like, let me be God. Let God, you know, you say it's I think there might be a verse in about let God let God be God. I don't know. Maybe he just keeps telling me that. And let him do his thing.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Well, and every story, everything that we've done, you know, I was I was searching for a dad for my kid. I felt like he needed a dad, you know, and and I dated some really nice guys and some really good guys, and I almost married one um to a point to where I literally took the invitations to the wedding. We had everything booked and ready to go. I bought a dress and I went to the post office and couldn't get out of the card to go mail the invitations. I sat there for like two hours and cried because I knew it just wasn't the right thing, it wasn't the right place. And at that moment, God says, You don't need a husband, and your son doesn't need a father, but you already have one. And I'll never forget that was the first time I'd heard him speak to me after all the chaos of coming out of where I was and trying to find my way. And I was still, you know, I was still trying to find my way and not let him not be in control, but let him be in control where I was still in control. And uh it was the first time I ever heard him speak to me, and that's what he said. He goes, You don't need a husband, and your son doesn't need a father, y'all already have one. And I went home. I went to the house. We had rented and packed mine and Dylan's stuff, and called him, uh, you know, waited for him to come home. I took Dylan to his nanna's and I waited for him to come home, and I just told him everything, and I went home. Went back to my mama's. That's where I always end up. It's back at mama's, that's where it's safest. Um about a year and a half later, Jeremy asked me out on our first date, and we'd worked together. We'd known each other for ten years. Yeah, my mom was like, I knew they would get together. Well, and that's what and so and someone had told me that after I left uh the other guy. They was like, you know, you and Jeremy's gonna end up together, and I kind of laughed, right? I was like, he's a good guy. He's like too good for me. I still hadn't realized. My worth at that point. You know, and then um he asked me out on a date. We were married a year later. So now look. I know, but that's how I know I didn't force it, I didn't plan it, I didn't just happen. It just happened. He didn't try he didn't control it. It it literally, and and if you ask him to this day, because I asked him one time, I said, why did you ask me out after all this year, all this time?

SPEAKER_01 22:30

You've never worked together a long time, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Well, we worked for 10 years together in the same store, you know, uh, and we were all friends, right? We went to lunch together. We, you know, we were all there was like nine of us, you know. Uh, we did celebrations together, all kinds of things. And he said, he goes, Two weeks before I asked you out, we were walking at the store, and we had a guy come in who was doing something for the store. And you took control, you took, you knew exactly what he was talking about, you asked the right questions. He said, You wasn't like anybody else I had dated, like you didn't giggle and laugh and and and be stupid. It was like you just knew. And he goes, and that's when I decided I wanted to go out with you. I was like, Okay, all right. I was like, that's weird. So I was he I was actually at the beach and he called me and I was like, This is so weird. What did my mom say when you she was happy? She was happy, everybody was happy when we got when we we dated for a few months before we told anybody because we were members of management in the same building. And but I had already started applying for other positions, so we knew that I wasn't planning on staying.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

So I love that.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Yeah, it's crazy. It's like crazy.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

What happens when you do the right thing and uh you let God uh do it?

SPEAKER_00 23:55

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard. Like it shouldn't be that hard. It really shouldn't, but it is because we get in our own way. We get in our own way.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

I was feeling kept another day. I was like, I can't wait to see what God does through her. Uh was it he was telling me that out of all his kids he didn't want me to say nothing, but I'm gonna say it on all those thousands of people can hear it. Uh out of all his kids, he felt they pray on your rather they probably don't listen, but out of all his kids, uh he felt like she had the most potential. You know what I mean? That in the biggest heart. Like right, you know what I mean? I'm like, yeah, because she's been, I feel like, at rock bottom. You know what I mean? And she's humble right now, and and God can work with that. Oh my god. He can so work with it. Yeah, like it's I'm excited. I can't wait to see. And you know, all the people that counted her out, counted us out, and counted her out. She wasn't gonna make it. I can't wait for them to be like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

Oh yeah, well, I mean, I I guess it's about a year ago. My sister, my sister has twin girls, and I've been clean ever since they have been born. I haven't done drugs since they've been born, so they don't know that Shannon, but they do know the Shannon that was struggling emotionally and f and in inside and um struggling with her own worth, you know. And uh they I guess it was about a year ago, and they were like, I don't know what's different about you, but something's different, and we like this difference, you know. And that's what I told them, you know. I told them it was God, and one of my nieces, you know, we got her a Bible for Christmas, and she's she is exploring her own relationship relationship with God and where it needs to be, where she needs to head. And I'm super excited to see what he does with her. My sister's a believer, but they've never been. They don't believe that you have to go to church, and they don't believe that you have to, you know, yeah, and stuff like that. And I'm on the fence about it. I think you should have you need to have your people. Yeah, right? Whether it's a church building, whether it's a church building or it's just a group of women that get together that believe the same thing. I do believe you need to have your group or your people, you know, and church, some churches have made it all about how big it can be, how big the show can be. So I mean I love that in the show part of it, but I then I miss the intimacy of having people because when there's a thousand people, it's hard to connect with anybody. Yeah. So anyway. That totally went left. No, that did. But our Bible verse for the conference is Jeremiah 17, 7 through 8. Like a tree planted by water that sends out its roots by the stream, it does not fear when heat comes. It leaves, its leaves are always green, it has no worries in a year of drought, and never fails to bear fruit.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Praise God. Lord, we love you. And I thank you, Lord, that no matter what season we're in, Lord, that you're always with us, God. And I just thank you that you are growing us in these seasons. Um, I thank you for the the good times, the bad times that you use them all. And Lord, I just pray that you just be with us until next week in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.