“Performance vs. Presence: Living Loved, Not Graded"

The hardest things in life aren't always difficult to do. The most difficult thing to do is to take the first step.

In this soul-refreshing episode of Unrelated Sisters: Truth & Grace Conversation, Shannon dives into what it means to find true, lasting joy in Jesus. While the world chases temporary highs through possessions, status, or success, believers are invited into a joy that’s deeper, fuller, and unshakable—because it's rooted in the presence of God. We’ll explore how to pursue God's design for happiness, the difference between fleeting emotion and abiding joy, and why Jesus alone is our source of peace.

• Scripture: 
• Romans 5:8
• Ephesians 2:8–9
• 1 John 4:10
•  Romans 5:8 – “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 
• Ephesians 2:8–9 – “By grace… not by works.” 
• 1 John 4:10 – “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us.”
• Key phrase: 
• “You don’t perform FOR His approval—you respond FROM it.”
• You don’t perform for God’s approval—you respond from it.
• Your worth isn’t measured by your works. Your works flow from your worth in Him.

 PRAYER

Father, we come before You not as perfect daughters, but as present ones.
We release every burden of performance.
We break agreement with the lie that we have to earn Your love.
We say yes to living from acceptance—not for it.
Grow our prayer life, Lord. Let it be a place of refuge, not routine.
Let our worth be rooted in You—not works.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Music

Reckless love

Amazing Grace

Because of Your love

Great is your love

We want this to be truly interactive podcast. Please go in the fan mail at
https://unrelatedsisterspodcast.buzzsprout.com and tell us your stories and let us know if it’s okay to share (no names). Let us know if you need prayer or how we can support you in your journey. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen.

Follow us on

Facebook @Unrelated Sister's: Truth & Grace Conversation Podcast

TikTok @Unrelated.SistersPodcast

Email us at unrelatedsisterspodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Pray. Lord, we love you today. We thank you for this opportunity to speak into everyone that's listening today. And, God, I just pray that we would be an encouragement, God, and that you would just give us boldness and confidence. And, Lord, I thank you for Shannon, and I thank you for Kenna that has joined us tonight. And we just want to honor you in everything that we do. In Jesus' name, amen.

SPEAKER_02: 0:25

Amen, amen. Hey sisters and welcome back to Unrelated Sisters Truth and Grace Conversation. I'm Shannon. I'm

SPEAKER_00: 0:32

Deb. And I'm Kena.

SPEAKER_02: 0:33

And today we're learning into something every believer wrestles with at some point. Whether you're performing to be loved by people or feeling like you have to keep up appearances with God. We've both been there. We've all been there. Let's just say this from the top. The hardest things in life aren't always difficult to do. The most difficult thing to do is to take the first step. So when I think about performance, I think about being a young daughter, being a young child and searching for love. Right. And in, you know, in the past, that was what I always tried to do. Like, I didn't want... I wanted love. And my daddy showed love by material things. He bought us things. And all I ever wanted was for his presence to be there. And if you think about it like that, that's really all God wants, right? That's all God wants from you. He wants your presence there. He just wants you to be present. And every kid desires that. It doesn't matter if you have the biggest house, if you have the nicest car. As long as you take care of them and you're present. That's all they ever want. And I can think about... Looking for love. And I can think about all the men that I dated while in addiction and even after I come out of addiction. And all I ever wanted was for somebody to love me without condition.

SPEAKER_03: 2:12

And

SPEAKER_02: 2:13

in all this time, you know, I had that. I had that from God. I just forgot. I had lost it somewhere. And then you grow up and you go to church and you perform, right? And then you feel guilty. So we've talked about it in other episodes. I don't read my Bible every day. I'm not good at it, right? I mean, I spend time with God every day, but as far as sitting down and digging into His Word or looking up a promise or doing all those things, I don't do that. And then here lately, I've been feeling guilty about it. I ain't never felt guilty about it. Right. Because that's not who I am. But I've been feeling guilty about those kind of things. I've been feeling guilty about not going to church on Sunday. You know, I haven't been to church in a few months or probably six months. And it's not because I can't go. It's just I choose not to get up and go. You know, and I feel like. I don't feel like I've lost him. He's still there. I still hear him. I still talk to him. He still talks back. But I feel guilty. And is my guilt, you know, I wonder where my guilt comes from. And, you know, is it from the performance part of what the world thinks Christianity should be? I

SPEAKER_01: 3:34

think there's a fine line between conviction and guilt. Yeah, you know, it means they're like, maybe there is a little bit of guilt. Maybe there's a little bit of conviction there too. And sometimes, and I was thinking about this the other day, because I will feel guilty over certain situations. What does that really convict me though? How do I find that conviction? Balance. Because the Lord doesn't call us to be ashamed or feel guilty. He doesn't bring condemnation or anything like that. So I would just encourage you, Graham, to order this something you're leading me into that you think I should be doing. And then kind of see where that goes. But I'm like you on the performance thing. Growing up in a preacher's home, I definitely felt like we were living in a bubble. so to speak. And so it was almost, it was weird really looking back. And I think my mom and dad has grown a lot since I was young, obviously. They have more wisdom now. But it was very, everything was, it felt like you had to be perfect. You know, there was no... Even when we would go out to eat, everybody was like, y'all had the best kids. They would stop and tell them, like, y'all's kids are so good, they don't act out. But we just didn't. We just thought we had to be perfect. You know what I mean? And so some of that was a good thing, some of it was a bad thing. As I got older, because you do... I have done a lot of things out of apartments. Because I did so much bad stuff. As I become a teenager, you think... I remember when I got clean and gave my life back to the Lord, I was like, if I could just do this and do that. You was around for that. I was just really doing a lot of things. And I encourage you to be plugged in. Obviously, you need to be plugged in. But I was doing more than I was being. And meaning I was performing more than I was trying to do things to be a daughter of God. I was trying to perform, to check all these boxes and do all these things. And you get burned out and then you get, there you are, sometimes falling backwards, beginning not doing nothing. You know, you kind of go from one side. I've seen myself go from one side to the other. So I'm learning that, you know what? If I don't get up and read my Bible that morning, God still loves me. He does. He still loves me. And you know what? I'm going to pick it up the next day. Or, you know what I mean? I'm not going to make it, do it out of a performance and do it. Oh, I have to do it this certain day. I think that a lot of people mess up. Like, I can only get my dad. He spends two or three hours every morning. Well, everybody don't do that. Everybody can't do that. You know what I mean? And I'm thankful that He can. But if you look to Him, then, man, I want that wisdom. I want to do that. And you try to make yourself do those things instead of how God wants you to do it. I think we miss it a lot of times. Keena, what do

SPEAKER_00: 6:33

you

SPEAKER_01: 6:33

think?

SPEAKER_00: 6:34

Well, I was just relating to, like, currently, not necessarily B.C., like... So I guess I am kind of in the checklist mode. I do get up in the mornings early, and I do get an alert

SPEAKER_03: 6:48

that

SPEAKER_00: 6:50

I am not wise in a lot of areas because I can read the Word, and I know a lot of the Word, but I don't apply a lot of it to my life. So I go to church regularly. I do the things around the house. I take care of things. I read about my roles, and I'm just like, And after studying for the other thing we were talking about earlier, I started looking at that and how the performance there and what am I doing it for? You know what I mean? The intent and the heart posture behind the things that I'm doing. And it's like I'm missing something. presence with him because I'm trying to do, you know, I'm seeking validation from other people by doing things for them. All the same stuff I always did before. It just looks a little different this season, you know. But yeah, like the checklist, I've been kind of stuck in that. So I'm doing the things, but I'm in that when I'm not doing it as unto the Lord and I'm not really... Doing it through a place of love, it just feels kind

SPEAKER_02: 8:00

of empty.

SPEAKER_00: 8:01

Does

SPEAKER_02: 8:02

that make sense? Oh, yeah. 100%. And we've all been there, right? I feel like when I first started getting clean, there was eight years from the time that I got sober to the time that I found God. Eight years of trying to figure out who I was, trying to figure out how to get past the guilt, how to get past the shame of what I'd done. Eight years of... Of feeling guilty as a mom, you know, because of the, you know, because my son, whether whether he even though he was physically taken care of, he was never emotionally given what he needed. And, you know, and so in those eight years and then I started going to church and then I started volunteering and then I started doing this and then I started doing that and then I started doing this and then I started doing that. And I still was seeking. Yeah. Yeah. And a DJ came on and they were talking about how you search for love in the world and you go from one place to the other and how you do all the things, right? We do all the things for somebody to love us. And he came to the world, lived as a human, was beaten and bullied and knew he was going to be betrayed by his closest confidants, knew that they were going to hide when he was being, knew that he was going to hang on a cross, be buried and rise again. And yet he loved us enough to do it. And when that clicked in my head, that's when I knew I didn't have to search for love. Right. That's when I knew I wasn't happy. I didn't have to perform for somebody to love me. I didn't have to perform for, you know, for my daddy to love me. And I was a good kid to my daddy. When my daddy got busted, I'm the reason he didn't go to prison for longer than he did. Right. Because I went and cleaned his house out when, you know, he got busted the second time. I'm the reason they didn't take his kid away from him, his other kid away from him, because I went and cleaned his house out. You know, I did all the things I was supposed to do to take care of my daddy, you know, when he was in prison I took him money every week I had made sure he had stuff on his books not all these friends of his or flavors of the week or whatever you want to call them I did it all and at the time you know I did it because I wanted him to come out and I wanted him to be my daddy I wanted him to be the daddy that I had and But that's not who he is today. love my daddy. I've always loved my daddy. My daddy, you know, he hung the moon and the stars for me. I've always been a daddy's girl, you know, and he broke my heart more than any man in this world has ever done. But we had lunch today and I've been inviting him to things like I invited him to the fourth and he didn't come and things. And he goes, he goes, I've been depressed ever since. He's like, I don't know why I didn't come. It's not like I had anything planned. He said, I could have come. I should have come. And I said, I told you what you wouldn't be the only one there. You know, and he's like, well, I don't know why I can't. And I'm like, I don't know why you can't either. Like, you know, I have forgiven you. And it is what it is. Right. What we went through as you You know, as daughter and father, it is what it is. And it has made me a stronger person today. And it has made me understand my relationship with God. You know, going through it as a human and going through it, you know, as a kid growing up, it has helped me to understand the love that He gives us. And, you know, I don't know, like... But you think about performances in the world today, right? And everybody performs. So I am new to TikTok. I just started a TikTok thing because of the podcast. Everybody was like, oh, that's how I found my podcast. Like, you need to get out on TikTok so more people can see your podcast. I post like five times. That's all I've done. Right. And I've had this I've had the account for like four months. So I'm not using it the way I should, I guess. But I see the things like and like I've had to like I've set a timer on my phone so that it shuts me off. Right. Because it's like an addiction. And but you watch I watch these people and I'm like, why would you do that?

UNKNOWN: 13:15

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 13:15

Why? I mean, like, why? I don't understand. But I do understand, right? Because we do a performance for the world. Everybody is chasing those likes, and they are chasing that fake validation, you know? And it just blows my mind. And then people are mean. Like, there's this one mom. I've been kind of watching her, and she's She's she'll tell you that she is just she's burnout. She's got four kids. You know, she's not never dealt with postpartum. She's just she's depressed and she's doing the best she can. Right. She gets up every day and she's doing the best that she can. But things aren't perfect. And she shows her house and she you know, she's asking for help in a weird way. But she's asking for help. And then people are just bashing her. And I'm like, well, how about you just love on her? Right. How about somebody just love on her a minute? Like, why do you have to why do you have to bash her? Why do you have to be ugly about her situation? You know, and then I see that at work a lot, too. I see I see mothers and families and people, you know, your kid will be screaming and people are like making faces at you and things like that, you know. And that's when you should take that moment to just love on her. Right. Moms need that. So.

SPEAKER_01: 14:38

Spiritual performance and burnout. Man, oh man. Yeah. Yeah, that had my name all over it for a long time. Like you said, I was like, you can do it. And I think we were in our wobbles every night. And it really helped me during that time. I really needed to plug in and be doing, like you said, what was I doing it for? I was really doing it almost to escape from healing and really... Being by myself, because I was, you know, that was what people were, especially when I came home and slept up. And so I was, got to a point I was kind of burnt out. And I remember Michael telling me one time, because, you know, I used to always try to walk in his shoes a lot. Yeah. Or my brothers. And, you know, because they do have a, you know, they have a good relationship with the Lord and I wanted that, but I wasn't willing always to do the things that, You know what I mean? To just be a daughter. And so I remember one day, he's like, sis, just be yourself. Just be yourself. He put his hand up. He's like, be yourself. And that was so freeing to me. I'm like, well, I don't even know how to be myself because I'm always wearing these masks and trying to be a this and be that and whatever. It was exhausting. It's like, I don't even know me. How do I know to be myself? I don't know me. Because you're trying to do all these things and be all these things that God didn't call you to do or be. And another word of wisdom he gave me was, you can be doing a lot of good things that are not God things, and you'll burn yourself out. And that always echoes in the back of my mind. So when somebody asks me to do something or asks me to go speak, I'm always, you say, yeah, go do it. And now I'm like, let me pray about it. Let me pray. Why am I doing this? Me, am I doing it out of performance? I don't want to do it out of performance. Lord, I want this to be where you want me to be. And so I think a lot of times when we don't seek direction from God where we're supposed to be at, we will end up with being in spiritual performance and burnout. Anything?

SPEAKER_02: 16:49

Well, you know, and we all go through it. And even when you're in spiritual performance, you've got to find your way out of it. And it's hard to find your way out of it because, you know, the first, you know, the first time I come and spoke with you, I went to the, to the women's group or whatever and spoke. And when I left, I was like, Oh yeah, no, that was not, I should have, I should have never done that. Like, and I knew it the moment I got in my car. Like I knew the moment I started to speak that I was not, that was, it was not my time. It was not my place. I should have never been there. And then when

SPEAKER_01: 17:24

I,

SPEAKER_02: 17:25

Yes, but it wasn't. It wasn't. It really wasn't. And then the second time I came, I knew exactly where I was supposed to be. Does that make sense? And I talk about it a lot. And, you know, I believe God puts me where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there. And in a lot of ways, it's hard. Right. And I've actually been working on a new episode. And it's called Finding Your Best Yes. And so I did a episode with a friend of mine named Haley a few weeks ago, and she has the discernment. that I want to have, right? Like she, she has been, she has been through the coals and she is a rose from the ashes and she has the discernment that I'm searching for. And it, you know, and she gave me four questions and we're not going to talk about those tonight because that's going to be another episode, but, um, she gave me four, four questions to give your best. Yes. You know, and the fact, my favorite question of it is, is, um, Who am I doing this for? Yes. And is it taking away from my time where I should be? And is it part of my purpose? You know, and searching for your purpose. Like that is a performance season of life until you actually figure out what it is, right? And it's weird sometimes, like... You want to do things, right? I want to do things for people. It makes me happy. I find my joy in doing for others. But you have to pray for it, right? Because you may be taking the blessing away from someone else that is standing there that's really supposed to do the blessing, supposed to have the blessing. And you've got to be very intentional. We talk a lot about intentionality here. And it's become one of those things, you know. Sometimes, you know, your faith feels like a job. And when you get to a point to where your faith or your checklist feels like you're getting up and going to work every day, you need to take a step back because you're losing the joy of His grace. Joy comes from grace. It doesn't come from anything else, right? Spiritual performance, you know, signs of it is your guilt, right? Comparison and inconsistencies with how you feel, right? If you do something and you don't, it doesn't bring you instant. And that's the problem with the world today, right? Everything is instant. Everything is instant, you know, microwave generation, everything is in the palm of your hands, like you don't, you know, like, I bought my kid a set of encyclopedias when he was in school, when he was young in school. And I went to sell them or went to give them away and nobody would take them. Not even the library. Like that's how gratification is in this world today. You know, but it makes you wonder like where we're at. I don't know. Sometimes you got to find your joy. I kind of lost where I was headed with

SPEAKER_01: 20:42

that. No, it's okay. I want to pick it right here. One of the things that stuck me the most out of your performance is God's love. Yeah. You know, this talks about God's love is ingrained. When I finally started tapping into that vein that God loves me. He loves me just like I am. Yeah. And that He loved me when I had a needle in my arm just as much as he does right now. And when you can grasp that and you can look back on your darkest, darkest moment, I remember at the very darkest moment, just feeling so lost and so disgusting and so hopeless and thinking that there's no other way out. And knowing that God loved me like he loved me. And there's nothing that I can do. to make Him love me any more or less. And once you tap into that, if there's nothing that I can do to make God love me any more or any less, I think you really start to flow into His presence. You'd just be walking through the plant. God, I love you. I know that I'm your favorite. You know what I mean? I do that all the time. And once you do that, it becomes a joy. It's not like it's a chore. And I enjoy getting up and doing devotion with my husband and not as a tour or, you know, or an obligation. We're running late, turning on Billy Graham. You know what I mean? Okay, you know, we're getting some word in. I'm getting some word in somewhere. You know what I mean? I'm getting fed and not feeling guilty. Oh, I didn't sit down and do a whole devotion today. Or I didn't, you know what I mean? And getting out of that. You know what? God loves me. He turns his mind about me. It's because I didn't read three hours today. He still loves me. And once you can start, once you get into that, once You can fast forward to that. It's a game changer.

SPEAKER_02: 22:27

Oh, it is. You know, what did love look like before Jesus? Right? Conditional. Conditional, right? The world's love is very conditional. You have to earn it. It fades with emotion, right? And that's what people don't understand is the worldly love is based on your emotions. And emotions are roller coasters.

UNKNOWN: 22:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 22:51

I mean, we're going to go with that. But your emotions are a roller coaster, right? I've been going through premenopause. And like, and like my, you know, in my emotions, like, you know, I'm not ever been a real crier. I'm not ever been, you know, I'm either mad or I'm happy. Right. That's there's no, there's no in between for me. And I'm tired of crying. Like I, my eyes hurt all the time. And it, It's usually over. It's not anything like it's not because my husband said something that hurt my feelings. It's not because somebody was mean to me. It's not because I'm mad. It's just it just happens. And I'm like, oh, you know, but you go through these different things. Right. And in the worldly love you earn, you start with your emotions. You know, you search for love. You think you're in love. You tell them you're in love. You tell them you love them. Love, love, love. Love, love, love. That word is the biggest word in the English language. Like to be four letters, more people use that word.

SPEAKER_01: 24:11

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 24:15

Like, I mean, more people use that word than any other word in the world when they don't understand it, when they don't really truly understand what the word love is supposed to mean. Like, Love means unconditional, no matter where you are, no matter what is going on in your life, no matter where, no matter what. That's what true love is. And, you know, when I got married, and Keena can attest to this, I am used to being in control. I have always I have it's always been my way or the highway.

SPEAKER_00: 24:55

You know, honest. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:00

Yeah. But it's always been that way. And when I met my husband and we, you know, we started dating and he proposed and, you know, I didn't even have to think about it. I said yes. And I. If he passed away today, I wouldn't know how to pay the bills. I wouldn't know. I mean, I know how to get to the bank account, right? Because it's on my phone. But he takes care of all of that. He takes care of all of our finances. He takes care of all of... And that's not me. I always had to know. And I don't know. He tells me enterprise like... how do you do that? And I was like, cause I know that he loves me and he's going to always take care of me. Like I know, I know that God sent him to me. I know that God give him to me. And I know that the two of us will sit old on the porch and till we pass away. And, and, and I know that our marriage is, is, you know, I know it's in, in God and that there's nothing else other there. And,

SPEAKER_00: 26:10

And two, he doesn't do that out of performance. That's his way of honoring and loving you, serving you, which is... Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 26:25

Yeah. Yeah. And he took that worry away from me. Right. Like that was I stressed about money before me and him got married. And I stressed about how, you know, I can remember times wondering how I was going to pay the bill or feed my kid, you know, and things like that. And it's never been that way since. Right. Like, I'm not going to say we've always had it perfect and everything's always been, you know, peachy keen and we've always been. And he's called me a few times and says, okay, now stop spending money. But it's always been that way. Romans 5, 8, it says, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That is the ultimate version of love. That is your kingdom love. That is the ultimate version of kingdom love. What love looks like now to me is... I'm not scared. I know I'm loved. I know that He will provide for me no matter what. Sometimes He has to kick me because I like to argue with God. I like to ask questions and all of the different things. Kingdom routines, living from love. So I don't do this to earn His love. I am already loved, right?

UNKNOWN: 27:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 27:47

And, you know, daily steps, y'all talked about it, devotional prayer, serving from joy, not duty. So we talked about this in the last one. Haley, when me and her did the episode, she said, I get to do this, right? I don't have to get up to go to church. I don't have to get up and take my kids to school. I don't have to get up and do this. I don't. I get to do this. And I've been trying to be that person over the last few weeks. And it seems like when I get to do it, I get to get up at 4 a.m. and get ready and go to a job that I actually love, to a community that I actually love, to associates that I actually love. Work hasn't seemed so stressful lately, right? It really hasn't. And it's kind of weird because you– Nobody wants to get up and go to work. But getting up and going to work. So now I guess I need to get up and go to church. I've been telling Deb I'm going to come. I've been telling her I'm going to come. So I'm going to come. And I am. I'm going to love every moment of it. I

SPEAKER_01: 29:02

have y'all. I don't need a big group of people. You don't need a big group of people, but you definitely need to.

SPEAKER_02: 29:17

I know. But it's one of those, you know, and we've talked about church hurt. Church hurt is real. You know, church hurt is real. And it's one of those that I start once I go to church. And don't get me wrong. I love the church that I was attending before. But I start performing. I start wanting to do a lot of different things. I start wanting to do this. I start wanting to do that. And then it takes away from this or takes away from that. And I can't. I ain't gonna say I can't. I don't allow myself to say no. And, you know, when we talked about it and it's because when you're getting high, you don't say no. Right. You please whoever is taking care of the habit at the moment. And and that's, you know, and I didn't realize that that was something that I still did until we started talking about this in the podcast. And we started, you know, and so I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_01: 30:12

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02: 30:18

You

SPEAKER_01: 30:19

know.

SPEAKER_02: 30:20

And

SPEAKER_01: 30:22

be at peace and joy.

SPEAKER_02: 30:23

And be at peace and joy. And I talk a lot about it, and I did it today with my daddy. But you can be happy in life and not have true joy. There's a

SPEAKER_01: 30:32

difference. There's a huge difference in that.

SPEAKER_02: 30:37

That's a little deep. So how do you stop performing in prayer? How do you stop performing in prayer? Well, you pray when you need to pray. It's kind of like... And I'm going to get a little political here for a minute. Nobody wants the police around until they need the police. Well, nobody wants God around until they need him. Right. Until they need something. So how do you how do you not pray out of performance? Right. So I have a friend of mine. She went over to Israel and a few years ago and she came back. And when we sat down to have lunch together, She didn't pray over the meal. And I was like, that's weird because she always prays over the meal. And we finished eating and then she prayed. I was like, what's going on? And she said, well, that's how they do it over there in Jerusalem. They don't bless the food before they eat it. They bless the food after they eat it because God had given them the nourishment that they need. I was like, hmm, hmm, I don't understand. But yet I still pray over my meal before I eat it. Because that's just how you do it, right? That's how I was raised to do it. But is that performing in prayer? I

SPEAKER_01: 31:46

think for me, when I started praying, I had a gratitude. I felt like the performance. I mean, I've always kind of been a, I like to pray. So prayer has not really ever been a struggle for me. This is one thing I can say Kevin struggles with probably more because he's like, I'm like, okay, you pray today. Yeah, I'm like that. He's like, he thinks there's a certain way to pray. I'm like, he's getting better as far as like, no, it's just communication between you and God. There's no, no, I let me go. So I got to say it a certain way. One, two, three. No, it's just praying for my heart.

UNKNOWN: 32:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 32:29

It's a very intimate and vulnerable thing. You know what I mean? You're talking to our dad. You know what I'm saying? It's not necessarily always what I want to pour out in front of everybody. And I know once for me, once I get started, it's just going to flow if I'm not having the prayer ADHD, right? But I was thinking about that, and you were talking about like the— The growing in the grace-filled prayer life and... I think all of it, I think all of this is heart posture. And where I was thinking when you were talking a minute ago about where God, in the Word, it says... We don't necessarily have to walk away from God. You know what I'm saying? To walk away from the things God desires for us to be doing. But the returning to your first love, those basics, I think that's where our joy comes from. The joy that we got when we were saved, that salvation. You know, we get so busy and so many things that our devotion starts, whether it's prayer, performance, burnout. I think all of that stems from getting away from those things. Those first things. I don't want to say basics. What's the word on

SPEAKER_02: 33:51

the board? It's going back to the basics, right? It's going back to, and it's gratitude, right? It's having gratitude. It's being grateful. It's being vulnerable, right? He wants you to be vulnerable with him, even though he knows, right? He knows where you're at. He knows what's going on. But your parents always knew what was going on. They just wanted you to communicate with them, right? And it's no different with him. Like, it's no different with him. Like, you know, I desire that from my kids sometimes. I'm like... Why can't you just open your mouth? And then when he does, he just pukes it all out. It's like 45 minutes, and I'm like, I don't even know what we're talking about. But it is getting back to those basics.

SPEAKER_01: 34:38

I want to say back to something. When I started praying, I liked to pray. There have been seasons and moments where I'm like, I didn't even know I could pray right now. You go to pray, and it's like hollow. Until the other day, I was like... for different things than I've stopped. And I was like, well, I need you.

SPEAKER_00: 35:00

You

SPEAKER_01: 35:01

know what I mean? And then I'm like, where did that come from? You know what I mean? And then I was like, that was on the way to work. I was like, I need you. I need you to help me with the way I think, the way I talk, the way I work today. You know, everything about me today is these last two weeks at work has been a mess. I almost quit. And I need you some, I need some guidance. And it was almost like this burden lifted off me because I was praying for all these other things. I was thanking God for things for my kids, relationship. But there was things that I needed that I hadn't even come to God for. He was just waiting on me to say that little word, God, I need you.

SPEAKER_02: 35:39

Well, you know, and it's easy to text somebody and say, hey, pray for me. Why don't we pray for ourselves? Why don't we just sometimes be like, hey, look, this is me. This is me. The

SPEAKER_00: 35:52

most profound prayer I've ever prayed has been, help me. Oh, yeah. Help me.

SPEAKER_02: 35:56

Yeah. And, you know, there's some days, and this is going to not sound right, but there are some days that it's not about prayer to Him. Right? It's about We just have a conversation. Me and him, I'm not praying. I'm not asking for nothing. I'm not thanking him for nothing. I'll be in the car and carrying on a full-blown conversation. I don't hear voices. There's nobody answering back to my conversation. But in my heart, I feel it. I feel him answering back. I feel the relief. I talk a lot about the zebra sitting on my chest. I feel the relief. And, you know, I feel that heaviness go away. And to me, that's him talking back to me, right? It's those feelings or those emotions or whatever it is that I have. And it's okay, right? It's okay to be thankful. First thing I do when I open my eyes, I thank him for waking me up. Right. Before my feet hit the floor, I thank him for the day. I thank him for the rain. If it's supposed to rain today, I thank him for the sun. And then I get up and I start my day. And that's my way of letting him know that he is the most important thing. to me in the day, right? In the moment. But we do a lot of things in the moment, right? We have a lot of emotions in the moment. We say a lot of things in the moment. And sometimes it's not always out of love. One

SPEAKER_01: 37:26

of the things that's helped me as far as presence is because sometimes, like you're saying, it ain't always about praying and saying things. Sometimes we have to sit and listen.

SPEAKER_00: 37:38

That's what I was going to

SPEAKER_01: 37:40

say. So a lot of times, I'm like, Lord, what are you trying to say to me today? And if I get up my paper and pen and really just start writing what he's saying to me, man, I'm like, it's in those moments at present, but you're not doing it at a performance. You're actually, it's an intimacy. And I always get, have encountered during those times.

SPEAKER_00: 38:03

Yeah. I know there are many times, more so recently than in the past few years, where I've been in prayer and I get the emotional release, you know. I get that. I do get some of the weight off of me because it does say cast your burdens in, right? And so, I mean, automatically you're going to get some release, but But then I'm right back into performance, doing the things, the stuff I need to do for the day, this and that, this and that, taking care of things, running errands or whatever. But I don't just sit and listen. You know what I mean? And I never write it down. And I keep telling myself. And I'm such a hypocrite because I tell people, write it down, journal, write down your dreams, all this stuff. And I never write it down. I never write it down. Since the Lord's speaking to me right now, I write it

SPEAKER_01: 38:55

down. If you're obligated, you'll go back. I had journals from when I was in this school. We did the Briarwood School about three years ago, and we journaled all the time there. Man, the profound words and stuff that the Lord gives you and stuff that you were praying for and things that God told you. I can see it. It happens. It's amazing.

UNKNOWN: 39:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 39:19

I carry a notebook. I have one in the car. There's one in my office. There's one up here. There's one downstairs. There's one. And you'll see in the notebook like because it always happens when I'm driving. So I drive an hour and 20 minutes to work. Right. I'm in the car almost three hours a day. And it always comes. Or dad will get a random text. Yeah, because I get his speaker to say it. And I've realized that that's much easier because sometimes when I go back to read what I wrote while I'm driving, I don't know what I said. Like, you know, because I'm trying to drive and write at the same time. So I've gotten to where Deb gets some... Oh, yeah, and I'm not a good driver. So here lately, Deb has been getting some just random words in the thing. And at first I would be like, I just needed to write this down. And now I don't even say that. And I just send it to her. And it's one of those things. When you miss a day or you feel inconsistent, we start to spiral. We start to feel guilt. It starts to creep in. God must be disappointed in me. And I know... The hardest thing for me was when my daddy was disappointed in me, right? He always had this look on his face when he was disappointed, right? And so I can now imagine sitting here when God is disappointed, right? What does his face look like? And to me, I don't ever want... to disappoint him. So we do things out of performance to try not to disappoint people or to disappoint God. And it makes you wonder sometimes, It's okay for him to be disappointed, right? It's okay for mom and dad to be disappointed. It's not okay to stay in the disappointment, right? And you have to work at that. And, you know, you have to ask for the forgiveness and you have to go through those different things. You know, there's not a way to pray a certain way or to serve a church a certain way or, you know, to, you know, Let's post a scripture on Facebook so everybody knows where we're supposed to be. You don't do those kind of things

SPEAKER_01: 41:47

out

SPEAKER_02: 41:48

of performance. I once thought I don't read my Bible every single day. He won't bless me. I wasn't pursuing God. I wasn't trying to earn Him. But I

SPEAKER_03: 42:01

don't have

SPEAKER_02: 42:01

to, right? Like, I don't have to pursue him. I can remember. Every guy I've ever dated, I pursued them. I was going to fix them. I knew what they needed. I knew this and I knew that. And I didn't know nothing. You know, I didn't know nothing. So God's love isn't graded. So, you know, I was not good in school, right? I didn't always make the greatest decisions, but it's okay. You know, he doesn't grade me on where I came from. He doesn't grade me on where I'm at today. And he doesn't grade me where what I do, right? There's no grading from him. He just loves me. Ephesians 2, 8 through 9, by grace, not by works. 1 John 4.10, This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us. That right there is probably a very Bible verse for me, right? It's not that He, it's not, this is the love. Not that we loved Him because I was very mad at Him. You know, when my daddy fell from grace and our home fell apart and all the things, you know, that I went through, I was mad at God, but he still loved me. There's no way all the things I put myself through that I can't say that he wasn't there. I mean, somebody protected me, and it sure wasn't the people I was with. So here's the truth. We want to talk to you on your hearts today. You don't perform for God's approval. You respond from it. His love is already settled. He doesn't need your perfection. He desires your presence. And that was what we started off with. He just desires your presence. Just like I crave His presence. I've been in a season of waiting. And the season of waiting, I'm not very good with it. But He has something huge planned. I know it. I have felt it. I have seen it in my dreams. It's coming. But it's hard. Right. So here lately, that's all I've desired. Like, I just want to be in his presence all the time. I want, you know, it's like my earbuds are in my ears. Music's playing in my ears. It's hard to concentrate at work. It's been hard to just all the things. And, you know, Y'all were talking about those moments. This episode literally was made 20 minutes before y'all got here. Like, I'm downstairs trying to print it and the printer's out of ink. And I'm like... calling Deb and texting Deb and she's like she called me back and she's like I haven't left I'm fixing to and I'm like yeah no you need to print this right like this is the one today and and it's not and I've got like four more like like and I've been dry like I've had a hard time coming up with episodes and coming up with topics

SPEAKER_01: 45:15

to talk

SPEAKER_02: 45:19

well but a hard time coming up with topics to talk about on this and The last week, like it's just flowed every which way. Like it's just been insane. And, you know, every day she's like, that's a word. I'm like, yeah, I know, but I don't know where it's going. Like it's just there. But it's from his love. Right. It's been from his love. Worldly love says do more and I'll love you more. Kingdom love says you're already mine. That is that is what today's episode is all about. Stop chasing the approval of the world. And find your approval from God because he loves you where you are. He wants you to love him and to listen to him. And sometimes you just have to sit in your quiet moment. Growing a grace-filled prayer life. It starts with being real. And we've talked about that. Sometimes you yell. Sometimes you scream. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you whisper. Sometimes you sing. Sometimes you talk. Sometimes you just sit there and don't say a word, right?

SPEAKER_01: 46:39

Looking for a connection.

SPEAKER_02: 46:40

Just looking for a connection.

SPEAKER_01: 46:42

The other morning, I turned on some... It was Monday morning. It was Sunday morning. I don't know my days and days. I turned on some soaking music. It's just like... There's no singing. It's instrumental. Yeah, it's instrumental. So it's called soaking music. Like if you're in his presence or just being. And so I thought, I'm going to turn some of this on. I haven't done that in a while. Usually I'll sit and listen to it if I'm on a journal. But I was hanging up clothes, and it only had to look a certain way. So Kevin was like, what are you listening to? I'm going to start playing this all through the house while we're at work. So I'm just hanging up clothes, listening to Soka music, and just talking to God. Thanking Him for my mom's healing, all that good stuff, and just having connection. It's just the same with any relationship you have with anybody. You can just spend time with them. To grow the relationship, you have to spend time with Him. How can I know about God if I don't spend time with Him? How can I know about you? How can I know about my husband or my kid if I don't spend time with them? It's the same way with God. If you want to know Him more in a deeper way, you've got to spend time with Him. I think, too, with

SPEAKER_00: 48:04

prayer life, the Bible talks about... Praying the word of God. Oh, yeah. Back to God. So, like, for me, that's why I have to get in it. Like, there's been seasons where I've been super dry and I'm not understanding. I'm getting frustrated. And I still, even if I can just get up and look at one verse, it's a living, breathing word of God. And it renews my mind. It helps me. grow in all these areas, you know? But if, if, if I'm not in it and I'm not renewing my mind and I'm not reading or trying to read regularly, I don't want to say daily or every morning or every night, it's not, it's not supposed to be a routine. Right. Right. That's where performance will come into. But like, and then sitting and listening and After praying his will back to him, it's like, your word, it says, this is for me. You've shown me this. It lines up with your word. And I'm like, dad, I remember. Your promises are yes and amen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 49:22

Well, and you know, well, and with that, he shows you things. And we talked about this on the last episode, um, Well, up to before that, the last one we did together. You can't stop praying for what you want. You can't stop praying for what God has showed you. Because just because he showed it to you doesn't mean it's going to happen today or tomorrow or next month. You know, I talked about praying for my daddy, you know, and it was 10 years ago. It was 10 years before he got clean, you know, and he's still on his journey. Right. He's not where he's supposed to be. And today when we were leaving for lunch, he said something and I was like, then be where you're supposed to be. And he goes, I don't know if I can get there. And I'm like, then be where you're supposed to be with where you came from. Right. Like he doesn't feel like he's. capable of standing on a pulpit again and preaching. But when he talks about God, you can feel it. Like even when we were getting high with him and he talked about God, you can feel it. So you know that that presence is there. And maybe it's not standing on a pulpit no more. Maybe he will never be that person. But stand into somebody. Tell your story. And I told him, I said, you know, the greatest thing I've ever done is tell my story. That was the most healing thing I've ever done is to stand. And when I say tell my story, yes, I was a drug addict. Yes, I did this. Yes, I did this. And yes, I did this. But that's not my story. That was just the first few chapters, right? My story is where I'm at today. But getting to where I am today, you know. And I told him, I said, well, come to the podcast and tell your story. And he goes, I don't know. So y'all pray about it. He's coming.

SPEAKER_00: 51:14

I know, right? Because he needs to.

SPEAKER_02: 51:21

So sisters, if you've been performing to be seen by people or by God, you can lay that down. His arms are wide open. You don't have to earn a hug from your father. He stands there wide open waiting on you. And all you have to do is run to him. You know, it talks about in the prodigal son and in the story of the prodigal son about on it when he comes when he's coming back home, how the father runs to him down the driveway. Well, if and I'm I'm a big history buff and I'm a big I want to know. Right. So in their culture in that day and time, it was a sin for the daddy to run. Yet he opened his arms wide and he run to his son. God does the same for you every day, every day, you know, one right after another. Remember, his arms are open wide. Today's message, you know, I hope it spoke to your soul. We invite you to share it with friends and someone you know may be striving or comparing exhausted, just like you were. When you feel that way, when you're exhausted in your faith or when you're exhausted in your purpose, you have a hard way of finding where you need to be. Pray. Be reminded that your worth isn't measured by your words. We love you, and we are so proud of the way you keep showing up.

SPEAKER_01: 53:06

Praise

SPEAKER_02: 53:09

out.

SPEAKER_01: 53:10

Lord, we love you tonight. And we just thank you that you love us right where we're at. And Lord, I speak to every person listening tonight, God, that they would see their self the way you see them. Lord, that you would take the blinders off their eyes, God, and that guilt and shame and condemnation would be lifted off them. Lord, they would see their worth in you, Jesus, because you loved them like their worth, Lord. And I just thank you that You have a plan and a purpose for each one of us right where we're at, that you haven't changed your mind about us, and that there's nothing that we could say or do to keep you from loving us, God. And I just pray that every person would just tap into that, Lord, that they would have an encounter with you and just have a desire to know you more. We just thank you for what you're doing in our lives, that we don't have to perform or that we can just be. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen, amen.